Sunday, February 28, 2010

Where to run, where to hide

There is no place to run, there is no place to hide. There is hurt and there is sorrow, there is pain and there is loss.

Where are you when your best friend is gone? Where are you when the one you trust turns away?

Good bye has been said, with nothing but a hang up. The end of what was, is now what is.

I whisper to God, He hears my pleas. I cry to God, and He wipes my tears. God is great, God is good, but life as I live it, is not as it should.

When I needed strength, He rested his had on my shoulder. I fell to my knees and thanked Him for cleansing me of the hurt, and from the chasm of darkness, He led me away. I stood upright and I walked away from the edge and back into the life He has granted me.

How easy it is to slip back to the edge when you know where it is. Once the path has been walked, the trail will remain. He has shown me the way out, but to look over my shoulder I see what I see. How curious it would be to know what is on the other side. Who would not like to know what the other side holds.

He tells me, I will walk with Him in the next life. He tells me of the peace and tranquility that is there. Who would not love to take Him up on his offer? Who would not like to leave the stress this world holds to walk in peace?

Those who love me, those who depend on me and those who are my friends keep me from turning back. Those who trust me, those who care for me and those who call me friend are my lifeline.

But I want to run. I want to hide. I want the tomorrow to be over, the next tomorrow over, and all the next tomorrows to pass into my past. I want to skip over the pain, to erase the hurt that should never have been, to find someone to hold my hand and tell me it will be ok.

I want to hide, I want to run.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The unconditional heart

I wrote recently on my Facebook:

"Only an honest heart, a true heart, can offer unconditional love"

I was asked by a friend what that really means and believe it or not I did have to stop and think. It is easy to make up something which sounds really deep, but in reality, is very hard to explain.

Here's my go at it.

Unconditional love is offered by Christ. You can be a failure, a loser, a dope, a speed bump in the making and Christ will still love you. That's the basis for the entire faith, so let's skip over the religious discussion and go right to the human side.

Offering someone unconditional love is a lot like offering someone your credit cards, wallet and ID. You give them everything that is you. There goes your privacy, your faults, your fears and your failures into someone else's hands. You've now said to someone "here I am for what it is worth."

This is pretty hard to do because we all have the areas inside our head we would rather not share with someone else. We hide our lusts, our indiscretions, or embarrassments and our failures and we do it for good reason. We hate that crap and we hate knowing that if you give unconditional love to someone, eventually they too will know what we've hidden from everyone else.

But when we offer our unconditional love to someone, we have said to our self "I now trust this person with all of my secrets and I am not afraid."

Sure, we sling the words around like they mean something... saying things like "I love you" to our siblings, "I love you" to our friends, "I love you" to the hottie we met two weeks ago in the bar, and to some extent the words are meant to convey a feeling of affection.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I love my dog, I love a few of my friends enough to tell them I love them without feeling either awkward or gay. But I love my children unconditionally. I loved my first ex-wife unconditionally. (Being honest here, she screwed me royally when she joined the other team, but at one time, unconditional was there). I love God without condition and it has nothing to do with faith as I have talked with Him personally on three occasions.

Two other times in my life have I felt, deep in my heart, my honest heart, that there was someone to whom I would offer unconditional love and did. It feels good to trust someone that much.

That's my take on it. For what it's worth.